[148] back from the internet detox.

Do you ever have those times where you just need to have an Internet detox? That’s how I’ve felt for the past week or so. I really wasn’t expecting this WordPress dashboard redesign when I came back, though. Surprise!

I’ve had a few days off in a row and been home alone, which has been kind of like a mini-vacation. I refuse to use the word staycation. I haven’t done a whole lot outside the house, but I have done a lot of organizing and thinking. And one thing I’ve realized is that I’ve spent a lot of the last decade being angry – angry with my parents, angry with a lot of people in my life, and mostly, angry with myself. All for various reasons – but over the last six months, I’ve let go of a lot of that. I’ve had some conversations and some confrontations, and I really feel like my life is getting sorted.

I don’t want to leave here with any grudges in my heart. That’s no way to exit.

When I read the end of Jonathan Tropper’s THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU tonight, he had a really solid paragraph that really summed up my feelings about all of this. It’s from one brother to another, and the specifics aren’t relevant, but bear with me.

Yeah, well, the point is I’ve been pissed at you for a very long time and that didn’t do either of us any good. I wasted a lot of time being angry, time I can’t get back. And now I see you, so angry about what happened to your marriage, and I just want to tell you, at some point it doesn’t matter who was right and who was wrong. At some point, being angry is just another bad habit, like smoking, and you keep poisoning yourself without thinking about it.

Anger is born purely out of unhappiness, and that’s all there is to it. Happy people aren’t angry. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m somewhat lacking a social life right now, or if it’s because I’m growing up, or what, but right now, I’m happy. I’m not angry. Things are pretty good right now, and the outlook is good for the future, too.

I know it’s easy to say, “Just throw your unhappiness away, turn your problems to God, just let it go.” It’s easy to say it. It’s hard to do it. I know that’s not an earth-shattering revelation to anyone. But if you consciously make yourself think of more good things than bad things every day, then I think you’ll find a change. For every bad thing that you grumble about, find a match in a good thing for that day. Sometimes the bad things get us down, but not always, they don’t have to.

If you’re interested, I just finished reading THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU and reviewed it on Goodreads. I liked it and would recommend it, but I wouldn’t say it’s one of my favorites. It’s definitely my style, but I had problems with it feeling contrived and with the characterization.