Today marks my one-year anniversary of working for Francesca’s Collections. It doesn’t really feel like I’ve worked there for a year, does it? I guess I’ve only really been conscious of what was going on in my life for the last five months or so, and maybe that’s why, but a year is something, isn’t it?
To tell you the truth, this isn’t exactly where I saw myself being right out of college. But as we all know, plans never really turn out to be what we think they will be, do they? I don’t know a single person I went to college with who’s doing exactly what they pictured themselves doing at the start of summer 2011.
Because when it all comes down to it, the plans we make aren’t necessarily what’s best for us. We may think it’s what we want, but it’s really not.
If you know me, you know that making plans is my style. I like to have a set plan for what I’m going to do, where I’m going to be, who I’m going to be with. I like knowing what people are thinking and what they’re going to do next. I’m always asking, “Well, what’s the plan?” If I don’t have a plan, I’m probably not going to go. Seeing Bridesmaids with only 30 minutes notice was probably the most spontaneous thing I’ve done in months. I get a rush of adrenaline when I change my mind at the last minute. It’s hard for me to live on the edge.
But sometimes, what you need is to have a little uncertainty, a little risk. No risk leads to complacency, which is the worst habit we can fall into.
And having let my life take the course it has, building myself back up from last year, working in every way I can to find my way back to the person I used to be, the person I want to be – that hasn’t been easy. It’s taken a lot of planning, but it’s also taken a lot of falling back on God, trusting him when I don’t know what else to do. That’s hard for me. I like to be in control of the situation.
It’s not always the best thing to be in control of everything. There’s no room for change or growth if you always know what you’re doing and you’re always running the show. I’ve learned so much over the last year, and I can say that I’m definitely a better person for it.
Sometimes it’s important to remember that we can’t force things to happen because that’s according to “the plan.”
But sometimes, sometimes, if we fight like nothing else for what we want, it turns out to be the best thing for us. And that’s why I’m not letting go of my serious plans.